


It's always sunny in greendale

by whatdopeoplewantfromme



Category: Community (TV), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Minor Character Death, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26001271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatdopeoplewantfromme/pseuds/whatdopeoplewantfromme
Summary: The gang go greendale, and the study group become the victims.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	It's always sunny in greendale

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic I've published and I'm really excited to do more! I tried to make it screenplay format but the software I use messes the format up when I use copy and paste and I'm to lazy to fix it.

COLD OPEN

A CARD HOVERS OVER THE SCREEN, IT SAYS: 10:43AM WE HEAR A FEW PEOPLE TALKING OVER IT

CHARLIE  
But it's a rat basher, it's made for rats.

THE CARD IS REPLACED BY A SECOND CARD THAT SAYS: ON A SATURDAY.

DENNIS  
But that doesn't mean it won't bash people, and it won't get you laid anyway.

THE CARD IS REPLACED BY A THIRD CARD THAT SAYS: PHILADELPHIA, PA.

CHARLIE  
Yeah, but that wasn't really what I wanted, I just want to bash rats.

DENNIS  
(mockingly)  
Sure it's not.

INT. PADDYS PUB, DAY

Charlie and Dennis sit at the bar of paddy's pub, taking down beer after beer

DENNIS (CONT'D)  
For ninety nine precent of people the goal is to get laid, now it may be different for you because you're very ugly and probably should've given up hope a while ago.

CHARLIE  
I can get laid man.

DENNIS  
No you can't. You're disgusting.

Dee walks in from the back office.

DEE  
You guys are so gross. 

Mac and Frank runs into the bar, extremely giddy.

MAC  
Ay, ay, ay!

FRANK  
What up bitches!

CHARLIE  
Whats going on with you two?

FRANK  
We found a sure fire way to get babes.

CHARLIE  
Well lay it on me dude! Is it like an orgy, or a ladies night, or something else badass like that.

MAC  
Even better: we go to community collage.

DENNIS  
No way, now I'm all for collage babes, but community collage, they're all uneducated fools.

DEE  
You guys are so gross, you're almost in your 30s and you want to pick up 19 year olds.

DENNIS  
The youth is what makes them so...

Dennis stops to think for a moment, what word can best show Dee what he's after.

DENNIS  
Delectable.

DEE  
(visibly upset)  
Oh god that's creepy

DENNIS  
But I do have my limits, I went to an ivy league school, I'd never soil my own name by going to a community collage.

FRANK  
Why not?

DENNIS  
Haven't I made it clear, everybody in community collages are uneducated idiots! They're like Charlie.

CHARLIE  
That reminds me, will we have to take classes.

MAC  
Yes, of course you will.

CHARLIE  
Will there be those paper stacks in them?

MAC  
What paper stacks? Books?

CHARLIE  
Yeah those.

DENNIS  
Do you not know what books are?

CHARLIE  
They're just a little hard to understand. Like what are those scribbles on them. 

MAC  
You mean like words.

CHARLIE  
(confused)  
Yes...I think.

DENNIS  
Thats just you being illiterate.

CHARLIE  
Whatever it is I don't wanna deal with it.

MAC  
I'd help you with that but I'll be to busy getting laid instead of doing some dumb homework.

CHARLIE  
Which means I won't need to do mine either.

MAC  
Well you're probably not gonna get laid...

DEE  
None of you are.

MAC  
(loudly)  
..but you can still blow it off if you want.

CHARLIE  
I'm in.

DENNIS  
You know what? I'll come to, but I'm only coming to see you fail.

DEE  
Me to.

DENNIS  
I won't attend any classes at this 'collage'.

CUT TO TITLE CARD: THE GANG ATTENDS A COMMUNITY COLLAGE

INT. STUDY ROOM F, DAY

The study group: Jeff, Annie, Abed, Troy, Shirley, Pierce, and Britta, are almost done with studying for their upcoming exam. Jeff gets up to leave.

JEFF  
Well, it's been a day...

BRITTA  
(Scared)  
That prospector is gonna to haunt me for a long time.

JEFF  
Yeah, but I have a date so I gotta go.

ANNIE  
But Jeff, we're not done studying.

JEFF  
(already walking away)  
Don't worry, we're gonna do fine.

Jeff shoots the group his trademark overconfident winger smile before leaving.

TROY  
Actually, me and Abed have to go too.

ABED  
Inspector spacetime marathon. See you back at the apartment.

ANNIE  
(sadder)  
Oh, ok.

Troy and Abed walk off while discussing their favorite show.

ANNIE(CONT'D)  
(rhetorically)  
Does anybody else need to go before we're finished.

BRITTA  
Actually the animal shelter...

Annie rolls her eyes. Shirley checks the time.

ANNIE  
(Annoyed)  
Fine.

Britta runs out.

SHIRLEY  
Oh my is it five already? I need to get back to my boys. I hope you understand.

ANNIE  
(even more annoyed)  
fine.

SHIRLEY  
Thank you Ann-ie

Shirley walks out in a hurry. Leaving only Annie and Pierce left.

PIERCE  
So that leaves just the two of us. How have you been? Feels like we never hang out.

ANNIE  
Good, let's just study.

PIERCE  
(hurt by Annies lack of care)  
Ok, fine. So during the winter the plants, hibernate?

ANNIE  
(ignoring Pierces joke)  
I think that says photosynthesis.

PIERCE  
(passive aggressively)  
I know what it's like to be alone too, I know what it's like to be ignored.

ANNIE  
I don't, I'm not, I just wanna finish the exam.

PIERCE  
Whatever you say...  
(under his breath but still loud enough for Annie to hear)  
...lonely and stubborn, worst combination I've ever seen.

ANNIE  
Let's just study at our homes.

Annie gets up and begins to leave.

PIERCE  
C'mon I didn't mean it.

ANNIE  
It's not you, I just want to be at home.

INT. GREENDALE LIBRARY: DAY

Annie storms out of the study room, she's clearly upset at something, and it's not just Pierce. Dennis gets behind her and takes one of her pens and throws it to the ground before walking off. She notices somethings off and checks her bag for everything before walking out of the door, she thinks she left her pen in the study room.

ANNIE  
(yelling)  
Pierce do you have my pen?

Dennis walks over to Annie. And then picks her pen off the ground.

DENNIS  
Do you mean this one?

Dennis hands Annie her pen back.

ANNIE  
Yeah, thanks.

DENNIS  
I'm Dennis by the way.

Dennis goed to shake Annies hand, she accepts the offer.

ANNIE  
Hi Dennis, I'm Annie.

DENNIS  
Annie, I like that name.  
(bullshitting)  
It was my mothers name,  
(pretending to cry)  
she passed away earlier this year.

ANNIE  
I'm so sorry for you. That must be...

DENNIS  
(interrupting)  
So do you wanna grab Dinner some time.

ANNIE  
(flustered)  
Well...I mean...

Pierce runs out from the study room.

PIERCE  
What are you doing to her?  
(yelling)  
Get out! Get out!

DENNIS  
What the hell. Who do you think you're talking to?

PIERCE  
Get out!

Dennis walks away, confused by Pierce.

ANNIE  
(angry)  
Pierce, what was that?

PIERCE  
I've been around here long enough to know a creep when I see one. I was helping you.

ANNIE  
(sacrastically)  
Sure you do.

THE CAMERA PANS TO THE RIGHT AS WE SEE THE GANG TALKING AT A TABLE.

DEE  
See? You guys will never get anyone here.

THE GANG EXCEPT FOR DEE  
Shut up bird.

DENNIS  
I almost had her, then her stupid Grandpa came in a ruined everything.

FRANK  
Thats not her Grandpa...  
(pauses)  
...thats her 'sugar daddy'.

CHARLIE  
What?

FRANK  
She goes up and bangs him for his money.

MAC  
Like a whore?

FRANK  
Yes! Don't worry I'll take care of him.

Frank leaves to take care of Pierce.

DENNIS  
With him out of the picture I act opon my system unaposed.

CUT TO:

INT. STUDY ROOM F- THE NEXT DAY

Jeff walks into the study room, the rest of the group are already there, but none of them seem to have been there for that long, except for Annie that is, Troy and Abed are still unpacking their bags and getting their seats.

ANNIE  
Jeff! So we can begin studying now?

The rest of the group mumbles unenthusiastically about studying but are clearly ready to do it.

ANNIE  
Is there anything any of you would like to say to me? About yesterday?

JEFF  
Nope.

SHIRLEY  
Nuh-uh.

TROY  
I clogged the toilet.

ANNIE  
Seriously? We need to cram for the final and you leave me to do it alone again and again! It's like I'm the only one in this group who actually cares about biology!

JEFF  
Don't worry, we're gonna be fine.

ANNIE  
That's what you said for the midterms, and I got...  
(Annie looks around to make sure nobody is listening in on their conversations, she then whispers)  
an A.

The rest of the group looks at her with confusion.

ANNIE  
Not an A plus, an A. A regular A.

The rest of the group still looks confused failing to see anything wrong with an A.

BRITTA  
I'd kill for that grade.

ANNIE  
Yeah but that's only because you're an...  
(Annie realizes its better to stop herself than finish her insult)  
...

BRITTA  
I'm what?

ANNIE  
(quietly)  
Not the smartest...

BRITTA  
Really huh? The truth comes out.

The whole group faints being offended on Britta's behalf, although Troy does seem a bit more bothered by it than everyone else.

ANNIE  
(overly defensive)  
Are you guys gonna act like I'm wrong? She gets the lowest grades, and...  
(pauses)  
...well just look at her love life.

JEFF/TROY  
What?

The group looks towards Jeff and Troy, both trying to play it cool.

ANNIE  
Just look at her choice of partners,

JEFF/TROY  
WHAT?  
(The pair pauses)

TROY  
Why are you guys looking at me, Jeff said it to.

JEFF  
So what, we slept together a few years ago. I don't care about it now.

ABED  
Britta does have a 'type'.

BRITTA  
What's that supposed to mean?

ABED  
You like broken guys, you think you can 'fix' them. For example you only liked Troy when he was pretending to get molested.

Troy is visibly hurt but keeps quiet.

ANNIE  
Thank you, Abed.

BRITTA  
I do not have a 'type'.

Just then Charlie runs by the window, trying to smash a rat.

BRITTA  
HEY! He's trying to smash that poor rat!

ANNIE  
Now you're going to defend a rat?

BRITTA  
I won't stand for animal cruelty of any kind.

Britta runs out to stop Charlie.

ANNIE  
(talking to no one because Britta is already gone)  
Hope you don't fall in love with him!

CUT TO:

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAYS- MOMENTS LATER

Charlie is chasing a rat down the hall when he is stoped by a disturbed Chang.

CHANG  
What the hell do you think you're doing?

CHARLIE  
I'm getting that rat, you shoulda thanked me who knows what that rat can do.

CHANG  
If you don't stop now you will be jailed, arrested, and killed.

THE CAMERA MOVES EVER SO SLIGHTLY TO REVEAL THE DEAN, HIDING JUST BEHIND CHANG.

DEAN  
Okay, maybe that's a bit much don't you think Chang.

CHANG  
He's a danger too all our students!

DEAN  
Okay well just don't threaten to kill them.

CHARLIE  
If you kill me I'll kill you back!

DEAN  
Well this seems to be quite serious so if either of you two need anything I'm gonna be back at my office.

Dean runs back to his office, clearly wanting to get as far from the situation as possible. As one person leaves another comes, Britta's finally here to stop Charlie.

BRITTA  
Stop right there you cruel animal killer!

CHARLIE  
What's everyones problem with me! I just wanna help you guys.

BRITTA  
My problem is that you kill animals! Do you even go to this school?

CHARLIE  
Well I'm just going here because my friends want to, the classes here are hard like they want me to read.

BRITTA  
You don't know how to read?

CHARLIE  
Well I know how to read, I can read really good, it's just I can't read because I don't want to.

Britta looks to Charlie with pity, before realizing that she could be the one to teach him to read, to turn his life around.

INT. GREENDALE LIBRARY- DAY

Mac, Dennis, Frank and an unenthusiastic Dee are standing out side the study room, Mac is wearing fake glasses alongside his normal ensemble and staring aggressively at Jeff.

DENNIS  
What the hell are you doing?

MAC  
I'm looking at the babe you said you almost caught.

DENNIS  
You're clearly looking directly at the ass of the man next to her. And take those off.

Dennis smacks Macs glasses off his face.

DENNIS  
They looked tacky as hell.

INT. STUDY ROOM F- CONTINUOUS

The four, led by Dennis, walk into the study room.

DENNIS  
Oh, are there already people in here? I thought we booked it. I guess we'll just have to take this table

Dennis points to the other table in the study room and sits down while making unbroken eye contact with Annie.

PIERCE  
Frank!

FRANK  
Pierce!

The two go to hug each other.

PIERCE  
We met last night.

FRANK  
Ready for round two?

PIERCE  
Of course.

Frank hands Pierce a gun as they walk out.

PIERCE  
(to Frank while leaving)  
So what did you say about immigrants.

JEFF  
Well that can only end well.

DENNIS  
Sorry, he's kind of losing his grip on reality.

DEE  
Says you.

DENNIS  
(whispering to Dee)  
I will kill you and cut off your skin, bird.

JEFF  
What was that?

DENNIS  
Nothing.

ANNIE  
Wait you look similar, we met last night!

DENNIS  
Annie!

ANNIE  
Dennis? Didn't think we'd met again!

DENNIS  
Can we study with you?

ABED  
This isn't going to be a crossover episode, is it?

SHIRLEY  
What?

ABED  
A crossover episode, when two shows have their characters meet. I hate them, completely destroys the emersion. Usually the universes are way to different, and the characters always do things they'd never do. Like the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles Inspector Spacetime crossover.

TROY  
(quivers, clearly having painful memories of the crossover)

ABED  
(trying to comfort Troy)  
It's okay. It's okay.  
(a beat passes)  
So do you guys see why I wouldn't want a crossover episode.

JEFF  
Yeah, but you don't need to think about that because this is real life, and crossover episodes don't happen in real life.

DENNIS  
So can we study with you?

ANNIE  
Sure!

JEFF  
(at the same time as Annie)  
Fine.

MAC  
What are you even studying anyway?

JEFF  
Biology.

DENNIS  
Thats actually really funny, I'm a board certified biology tutor.

MAC  
(quietly to Dennis)  
When did you learn biology?

DENNIS  
Just shut up. You idiot.

JEFF  
(slightly amused)  
Really?

TROY  
That's like when Jeff pretended to be a math tutor to sleep with us!

The gang turns to Troy. A silent beat passes.

JEFF  
(awkwardly trying to make himself sound better)  
I was only trying to sleep with Britta. She's not here right now.

DENNIS  
Well unlike Jeff here, I'm actually a tutor, I can show you the degree. It's in my car. Mac, will you...  
(Dennis motions to the door to tell Mac to get his degree)

JEFF  
We'll see it if we ever run into you again.

MAC  
Oh, are you leaving?

ANNIE  
We can stay for a bit longer.

Britta runs into the room, dragging Charlie with her.

BRITTA  
Are you his 'friends'.

Mac and Dennis stop to think for a minute, are their chances of getting Annie better if they say yes?

MAC  
Yes.

DENNIS  
(at the same time as Mac)  
No.

MAC  
(correcting himself to be in line with Dennis)  
No.

CHARLIE  
What? You guys joking?

DENNIS  
No, we've only seen him before a few times.

CHARLIE  
(heartbroken)  
Are, are you serious?

DENNIS  
(turning to the group)  
We don't know him, he may be dilution. I think we're gonna go now. Have fun with your little study group.

The study group gives half assed goodbyes.

DENNIS  
(clearly targeting Annie)  
Is there anything, anybody wants to say before we go.  
(Dennis leaves slowly, clearly fishing for a reaction from Annie)

MAC  
Should I come with you?

TROY  
Why are you taking so long?

DENNIS  
I'm better than all of you anyway. 

Dennis finally leaves. Annie feels a little remorse.

ANNIE  
We should probably say an actual goodbye to him. I'm gonna go do that now.

JEFF  
Well look who's abandoning us now.

Annie leaves to go too Dennis.

MAC  
I think I'm gonna go to, actually.

Mac awkwardly leaves.

INT. GREENDALE LIBRARY- MOMENTS EARLIER

Annie catches up to Dennis, who has almost left the building.

ANNIE  
Sorry for everyone back there.

DENNIS  
They you're friends?

ANNIE  
Yeah, I think. I've been getting very angry at them recently and...

DENNIS  
You don't like them anymore.

ANNIE  
Well...

DENNIS  
How about we ditch them, go too someplace,  
(leans in, gets a more menacing inflection in his voice)  
more private. 

ANNIE  
Well, that seems a little...

DENNIS  
But would you dare too...  
(realizes how many people are around and backs off)  
You know what, never mind. 

ANNIE  
(slightly concerned)  
What were you about to say.

DENNIS  
I forget.

MAC  
Hey Dennis,

Dennis and Annie finally notice Mac awkwardly standing just behind them, but neither know how long he's been there.

MAC  
you didn't tell me if I should come or not.

DENNIS  
You know what? 

MAC  
(interrupting)  
Should I have come?

Charlie jumps up from behind him.

CHARLIE  
Guys can we talk for a sec.

DENNIS  
Fine. We can talk.

Charlie pulls Mac and Dennis to the side.

CHARLIE  
Hey uhh, with what happened back there, I get it, but like you didn't mean it. Right?

DENNIS  
What the hell are you talking about, Charlie?

CHARLIE  
Ya know, the whole "I don't know you thing".

MAC  
Now that did seem a little cold.

Dennis looks at Mac and Charlie with anger.

MAC(CONT'D)  
(off Dennis' disapproval)  
But I still like it.

CHARLIE  
I get it too, I got game. Game recognize game. But it's kinda over now so can you just say you know me. You're kinda killing my chances.

DENNIS  
Let me think about it.  
(pauses for a beat)  
No.

As Dennis leave Mac gets ready to run after him.

DENNIS  
Do not follow me you mindless idiot.

MAC  
Well that seems a little harsh.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAYS -MOMENTS LATER

As Dennis leaves greendale he is approached by Jeff.

JEFF  
Hey I don't know what you think you're doing with Annie but stop the bull crap.

DENNIS  
The hell are you talking about? Is everyone but me on the face of the earth an idiot?

Dennis storms off in anger, punching the air around him. Jeff turns and walks back to...

INT. STUDY ROOM F- CONTINUOUS

... as Britta and Dee are leaving.

DEE  
They're the worst.

BRITTA  
Ugh. Thats what my group calls me.

DEE  
They call me a bird.

BRITTA  
Thats terrible.

The pair leave.

JEFF  
I don't like that.

Abed suddenly appears next to him.

ABED  
Yeah me neither. Every sitcom has an episode where new people come a ruin things. 

JEFF  
Great so you're gonna help me talk sense into everyone?

ABED  
No, usually only one person realizes how bad the newbies are, and you've got that role down. Mac also likes kickpuncher so me, Troy, and Shirley are watching it with him.

JEFF  
You're watching it with Shirley?

ABED  
Yeah, Shirley loves him, he's very religious.

Jeff looks outside the study room to see Mac and Troy practicing Karate together. 

INT. GREENDALE LIBRARY- CONTINUOUS

TROY AND MAC ARE SEEN FROM BEHIND A WINDOW

Troy and Mac are both kicking as high as they can in terrible formation.

MAC  
(muffed)  
You gotta kick higher.

TROY  
(muffed)  
Even higher? Is that possible?

MAC  
Let me show you.

Mac tries another high kick and accidentally kicks TODD in the face as he walks by.

TROY  
(muffed and panicking)  
Oh god. What are we gonna do.  
(hyperventilating)  
I am so sorry.

Mac takes a brief moment to think.

MAC  
I know what to do.

Mac runs away and Troy quickly follows.

INT. STUDY ROOM F- CONTINUOUS

JEFF  
(sighs)  
At least this can't get any worse.

Charlie walks up behind Jeff.

CHARLIE  
Do you like rats?

JEFF  
I asked for that.

> FADE TO BLACK.

END TAG

INT. GREENDALE PARKING LOT- LATE AFTERNOON

Todd is walking with a nose plug when he is approached by RICKETY CRICKET. Frank is walking with a vat of in the background.

CRICKET  
(panicked and on drugs)  
Have they found me?

TODD  
What? Who are you? Who are they?

CRICKET  
The gang. The gang are coming for you. Did they do that to your nose?

TODD  
Do this?  
(Todd points to his damaged nose)  
No, I know the people who did this.

CRICKET  
They will come for you, and they will ruin this entire school, take my warning.

Suddenly the car of Amelia, Todds wife, pulls up to the parking lot and Todd comes running towards it. Franks vat spills and he begins to panic.

AMELIA  
Hey Todd!

TODD  
Amelia! Thanks for picking me up, I thought I was gonna have to take the bus today!

AMELIA  
Anything for you, babe.

TODD  
Wait, where's Emily? did you get the baby sitter just to pick me up?

AMELIA  
Emily's in the back.

Todd looks at his baby girl, who's sleeping peacefully in the back seat of the car. Frank runs away from his vat.

TODD  
They grow up so fast.

AMELIA  
They really do.

Todd gets in the passengers seat of the car. Todd and his Amelia drive into the distance. The car spins out of control because of the oil on the ground. We can hear Emily faintly crying as Todd tries to get out of the car. We pause for a beat to take in what happens but the beat is cut short when the car unexpectedly explodes!

CRICKET  
Can't say I didn't worn ya

END ACT THREE

FADE TO BLACK


End file.
